Monday, December 03, 2007

A Declaration of Intent

An Ode to Bolder:

The Boldest when it comes to making a declaration of intent.

And now my declaration of intent.

This past year has been a tough one athletically and mentally speaking for Trimama. In May I put up a vacancy sign to my brain and fear came in and took up residence. Wildflower spread it's seed and it's grown like a weed in my brain and I regressed to fearing pain. While 2006 was a year of purchase and opportunity, 2007 saw squatters reclaim some un tilled land. By September, the whole homestead was up on the block. In my effort to fight back, I crashed a bike, wrecked my knee and have spent 2 months pushing the pain envelope to bring healing, with at least 2 months to go to recovery. Darker still, the searing pain that accompanies a torn ACL and uber sprain of a knee has decided to take up residence with old childhood memories and have rendered me terrified to get on a bike again. I wish I was being overly dramatic. I wish I could reroute my brain, but that is going to take some work.

There is a story in hebrew tradition of Moses bringing the Israelites to the edge of the Jordan River and dispatching 12 spys to recon the "Promise Land". Ten of the spys returned telling horror stories of giants and military machines of war. But two returned, looking beyond the giants to see a land of milk and honey. In their minds, their deliverer had not freed them from 440 years of cruel bondage to slavery, only to leave them short on the banks of the Jordan. 40 years later, one of those spys lead the Israelites across the Jordan, through the giants and the machines of war and into a new land, where they've remained, essentially to this day.

Every one of us has giants in their lives, obstacles that threaten our hopes and aspirations. I aspire to bring the hope that the past does not have to dictate the future, the giants do not have to win. Whether the giant be abuse, cancer, loss, broken dreams, whatever.

The overtly sexual nature of the song not withstanding, Bono is making a declaration of intent; Charles Manson stole a lot more then a song during his reign of terror with Helter Skelter, U2 is taking it back. Not lost on me is that this is one of the greatest hill climbing songs of all time. I despise hills. They scare me. I'm taking them back.

This message is generated as confirmation of your recent registration on You have been successfully registered for the following:
Registration: 2008 Ford Ironman Arizona (November)
Purchase Date: 12/02/07
Category: Entry Fee
Event Date: 11/23/08
Name: Kari Holmes

It's going to be long road, the pain envelope is vast, but we've pushed it before, because there is milk and honey waiting on the other side.

Oh, btw, I don't want to do this alone, who's with me?


Lana said...


Ok, I'm happy for you...but I'll miss you in FL. But I guess there are no hills to take back in I understand...go gettem' mama!!

21stCenturyMom said...

Whoa Nelly! Signing up for IM is one way to battle injury and fear and a rather bold way at that (no pun intended).

After SOMA I vowed never to race in Arizona again so if I'm there it will be to cheer you on.

Go TriMama!

Michele said...

We will miss you in Florida!
I understand that fear of getting back on the bike. After my crash I was so scared. Still don't like riding next to anyone.

IronTriTim said...

Another one who will miss you in Florida.

IronJenny said...

I am with you.
I sent in mine, too.
It's who we are; and it's what we do (as a hobby).
Because we like it.
You don't have to even think about anything but resting now anyway, so rest. Your body tells you that you need it now.
See you at the GW dinner tomorrow night?

Coach Tammy said...

First time I heard that song w/the Motley Crue version. But now that you've shown me the Bono version, I love it all over again! To iTunes I go! (they better have it).

Oh yeah, congrats on your declaration! I have a client doing both IMFL and IMAZ in 2009. At least that's what his declaration of intent says now. We shall see...

Bigun said...

confused...trip to florida...volunteer...get in line to register...but now IMAZ?

Wes said...

I'm sorry to hear about your ACL injury there, trimama! You are so right though. When it comes to bikes, horses, and cars, the only way to fight the fear is to get back in the saddle.

Congrats for signing up for IM AZ. It will be a blast!!

greyhound said...

You ARE the iron trimama.

I think one IM per year is all I can safely do--to keep my body and my marriage intact. So, I will have to


greyhound said...

P.S. Arizona '09 is penciled on my calendar if anyone is curious.

Spandex King said...

Wi 08 and AZ 09 for me. I'll be watching AZ in 2008 then signing my letter of intent. Have fun!! You'll make it, again!!

momo said...

way, way, cool trimama!! i can't wait to watch you race.

LBTEPA said...


Fe-lady said...

I am WITH you..... but as a support person! Good to hear you are going to be back in the game soon!
(I really hate it when groups try to sing Beatles stuff...they should just leave well enough alone!) Just my old bat opinion! :-)

TJ said...

dadgumit. it's getting harder to resist hitting the register button for IM AZ. could you email DJ and tell her it'd be ok if i broke my no IM in 08 promise.....
hope all your wounds heal up soon.

Iron Kahuna said...

my dear, i'm with you, as always. i don't think i've heard a better declaration of the meaning of Ironman (at least for me) than what you wrote.

Di aka "Mrs Bigun" said...

I am so disappoointed you won't be in Fl in '08. I totally get it though. You have to do what works for you and your family. So. Arizona. I feel a song coming on...
"Arizona! Hey won't you go my way..." (Mark Lindsay aka Paul Revere and the Raiders)
hugs friend