Saturday, January 05, 2008

The Poptart dilemma

Britney be damned, a far more urgent scandal has broken in the Taconite household. For time immemorial, Tac has dined on his pastry of choice each morning-two slabs of lard laced cardboard compressed around a slather of sucrose infused goop. He swears by, even worships at the morning altar of the Pop Tart to the extent that the dawning sun dims greatly when he ventures to the cupboard only to find an empty box. As a side note, I have long since given up on visual inventory control and adhere to a straight static purchase model; which explains why there are 14 bags of Honeynut Cheerios in the pantry. The Tribe apparently doesn't like HNC's. But they are on the shopping list, so I buy them. I love them, but I rarely eat cereal. HNC's were the late night-post date- teen angst food of choice for my older sister and I in the days of our youth. We'd collude at the center island just past curfew to chew and chat and move past whatever the night had held. Obviously there is not enough stress in the life of The Tribe, alas no HNC moments yet. I'll take it for now, content with their post school day devouring of tutti fruttis-mere child's play. But I digress. Poptarts. I despise them. I find no nutritional value in them whatsoever. This in spite of the fact that they fueled Tac's ironman training. He swears by them, I swear at them.

Until yesterday. The moons of Venus hit an improper alignment, my hormones leaked precariously, a bag of cheerios fell from the cupboard and knocked me senseless, for whatever reason I threw a Cinnamon Roll Pop Tart into the toaster. I was headed to the Y for a much needed cardio/strength session and toast with PB just wasn't singing my tune, no I was all Pop Tart yesterday. Arriving 40 minutes later to the Y then I'd anticipated, I went straight to the treadmill with no cross trainer warmup, and I ran 45 minutes, without stopping, utilizing the final 15 minutes to incrementally increase my pace to sub 8 min miles. Damn Poptarts. Perhaps I can blame Britney, so ridiculous her trials they've torn a crease in the social fabric of the universe.

Pop tarts morning 2. After all, I need a good 2 hour spin on the trainer today. I've descended into the depths of taste less hell. What's next cheeze whiz on saltines? Cocktail wienies smothered in Kraft bar b que sauce? I need to re-retro back to the future.

And I was on my way, until I went to the Big Box office store with the Tribe. We needed calenders, glue sticks and glue. (I've yet to understand how the Soapinator depleted the gallon jug of glue she purchased at the start of the school year. She doesn't seem to be the nefarious, corner locker, glue junkie type, but perhaps Elmer's has qualities unbeknownst to most adults) There, in the back of the store, along the clearance wall I found a lone symbol of my school days past. The Pee Chee All Sport Portfolio. No semester commenced without a fresh restock of the Pee Chee. I loved those heady first days of school; no grades yet recorded, no sense of urgency in mountains of unfinished work. A clean Pee Chee was a mental restart. Like the dawning of a year where you've signed up for a Great Race after passing through a forgettable season.

I bought a Pee Chee to store my training plans and calender. Well, why not borrow on the optimism of youth to train and an older and broken body to go long. 2008 dawns and there are Pop Tarts in the cupboard, life is good.

18 comments:

Wendy said...

Tac Boy's conviction and your conversion notwithstanding, I'm just not gonna get on the Poptart bandwagon! (Even though I enjoyed them as a teen.)

Spokane Al said...

Of course you know that when you purchase a Pee Chee in short order it must be covered with notes and drawings and a variety of other misc scribblings to make it truly authentic.

Comm's said...

About a year ago I went on a quest to find Pee-Chee's and couldn't for many moons.

The youth of today did not understand this word Pee-Chee and smirked greatly.

But once it was obtained it all came back.

Bigun said...

Trimama knows my affection for the great Pop Tart - perhaps the reason for my strong kinship with the Taconite. If they were only softer, I could somehow use them as fuel on long bike rides. Ya know, if you split them down the middle, they may fit perfectly in a Bento Box...

TJ said...

flip that sucker over to the non-frosted side and slather some butter on it right after it comes out of the toaster. it's killer.

Brent Buckner said...

Yes, Pop Tarts were part of my teen food intake. I must've been burning a lot of calories back in the day!

TriBoomer said...

HNC is my food of choice for nights of insomnia. I haven't had a Pop Tart in years but when I pass the in the grocery I swear they are calling my name.

Maintain, 'Boomer... maintain.

Stay tuned...

Fe-lady said...

Oh the happiness and expectations of purchasing a blank slate notebook and filling it with whims and desires and actualities of your days...
Pop Tart=carbs and energy and hence fuel for a good workout! Glad you are back running and feeling well!

IronJenny said...

Dia fuels his Ironmans with Pop-Tarts, too!
I admit I do not know what a Pee-Chee is...
Anyone have a vote for Lucky Charms? (that was my choice back then and is today!)
Love you and see you in a few days in Phoenix! Happy New Year!
xoxo
Jenny

Jumper 2.0 said...

I have never eaten a pop tart!

Never!

Not out of any principle, just never given was as a kid and I don't care for anything jelly filled.

Then again, you didn't exactly describe the contents as jelly did you!

Cliff said...

I have no idea what Pee Chee is until i saw this blog.

IronTriTim said...

Mmm Poptarts... Details? Particular flavors?

triguyjt said...

love your description of the pop tart...hilarious

Wes said...

Pop Tarts and Krispy Kremes... The breakfast of Champions!!! Thanks for letting us in on Tac's training secrets :-)

Lana said...

I have never heard of a Pee Chee. I had a Trapper Keeper.

Pop Tarts...I can't say that I hate them, but I can handle a brown sugar one every once in a while. Although I haven't noticed any speed or endurance improvements as a result!

Iron Girl Nyhus said...

I love HNC... i'm buying some tonight! See you in Phoenix :)

Laura

Iron Pol said...

Back in my three toed sloth days, I ate Pop Tarts nearly every day for breakfast. When I was diagnosed with the host of conditions that resulted in the birth of the Pol persona, Pop Tarts went out the window.

Perhaps it was because my physician threatened to kill me if I kept eating them. And I couldn't tell if she was joking.

Christine said...

pop tarts are the devil!! but sometimes that guilty nauty feeling of something you ate is all you need to fuel a great workout!