Sunday, August 21, 2005

Birthdays and Boys

My computer went down on Friday, couldn't get back on line for anything, so this is Friday's post and tomorrow, race report!

My baby turned 12 today, how did that happen? I know the days blend into weeks and months and years. I know, she'll be moving on before I know it, but 12. That's one year from teenager. Am I ready for this? Do I have a choice? Of course I don't and of course I would choose this life all over again. I am so proud of Hypen Girl and the young lady she is becoming.

So, on the eve of her birthday she went to her first ever (and possibly last) boy/girl party. Some parents from school were hosting a back to school party for the entire 6th grade, so most of her friends were there. There was plenty of parental supervision so I dropped her off, chatted with some of the moms I hadn't seen since June and went to buy birthday presents. I picked her up later that evening and from the exhuberant sounds I was met with, it appeared everyone had a great time.

"Mom, I have a terrible problem with Friend A (not her real name). She told me that Boy A (not his real name either) was going to meet her in the bathroom at 7:30 to kiss. We were still playing games so they moved the time to 8:30, and then she said they were going to wait until Christmas. But I know that Boy A doesn't like Friend A and would never kiss her, especially not as a first kiss. I think my friend is lying to me. I don't know what to do."

I had exactly five gray hairs in my eyebrows when I plucked them this morning, the rest were changing quickly as this party report poured out in one long statement.

Two dilemma's, which to address first?

I'll take lying friend first, since for HG this is the more troubling piece of the situation. We talked about how hard it is when you think a friend has let you down, etc etc. As we talked it seemed wise to give her friend the benefit of the doubt until she knows something otherwise, it's never a good thing to accuse a friend of something for which you have no evidence. I suggested she wait until school starts and she can talk to Friend A more about it at that time.

Friendships and life are about to become a lot more complicated for Hyphen Girl and company.

Now onto


So, of course, the spiel- the deeply held conviction spiel, but spiel none the less. I've been practicing this one since we first had word that "Reproductive Science" was on the curriculum for 5th grade.

You know, no matter how much your changing body might say otherwise, playing with intimacy with a boy, even petty intimacy, is foolish until you are much MUCH older, like say 27. (I only thought the age part, as it would decrease my legitmacy to be absurd at this point-ok, 27 is not that absurd, at least for my baby :)

There was a whole lot more to this conversation, most of it talking about relationship and intimacy, growing up and consequences, but that is between me and HG.

Things were going well.

"I think kissing is the most disgusting thing in the world. I can't kiss the boys in my class, it would be weird."

That's right, kissing is weird

She can think this for 5 or so more years as far as I am concerned. Primarily because I spent the majority of 8th grade lamenting my plight in life because I had never been kissed, rising to a level of chagrin that I probably would have kissed just about anyone just to tell my friends I had-peer pressure. Only kissing is far more than kissing today, and more than kissing is more then trouble today as well. But that's just my neo feminist point of view, save yourself, make the guy earn the right to be intimate with you and keep the standard for that right very high.

"I mean really mom, all the boys in my class are so much shorter than me, I would have to pretty much kneel down and they would still have to stand on their tip toes for our faces to meet. "

I was very pragmatic about the grey hairs in my eyebrows this morning, I intend to age gracefully. Tomorrow the grays in my eyebrows won't be a problem, they'll have fallen out.

Not the grays, all of them.

But seriously, you know what the best present is on a 12 year old's birthday? During the big birthday dinner I rejoined the table in the middle of a discussion where each member named their favorite attribute of HG. Without a thought I said I loved her honesty and openess. Her father had said the same thing 30 seconds earlier. There will be a lot more partys and thankfully a lot more conversations. I think we are going to be just fine with Hyphen Girl.

Tomorrow, race report and why I am so ready to get my Florida Geek On!


nancytoby said...

What a beautiful girl-turning-into-a-woman! But really.... don't let her talk to my girls. 27 is about 8 years way too young. ;-)

Chris said...

I was just about to say, at least you guys have a good enough relationship where you can talk about such things out in the open.

Love the whole "grey hair" thing though. Gave me a good morning laugh! Yeah, yeah... I know. Just wait until I have kids... ;)

The Spandex-King said...

I also have a 12 year old daughter. I am scared to death of the years ahead. She's a great young women with a good head on her shoulders but I'm still a nervouse dad. Check out my blog. She has threatned to kill me for putting this picture of her on my blog. My daughter is the one on the right.

Vertical Man said...

I have 4 daughters (17-23) and, if my head hadn't been freshly shaved, I'd have added a few MORE gray hairs reading your story.

Flatman said...

Oh Good Lord...

I am so thankful to have a son. I would have to buy way more guns if I had a daughter. Good luck and keep that good relationship going. It will definitely save you and her some heartache later!

Nice job MOM!