Tuesday, April 11, 2006

BuckNakedBoy is Pregnant, I'm about to be an accomplice to a double homicide and the garage just burned down.

But other than that we are fine here.

I took The Tribe to the dentist the other week and unbeknownst to me, Buck Naked Boy came home pregnant. The fact that he is a five year old boy notwithstanding, I had no idea they could do that at the dentist. Yet, he assures me that he is having a baby; a girl in fact because the dentist told him and it's going to come out of his booty-Standing Long Jump told him this was so. No matter of logic can dissuade him from his assertion.

So, I'm going to be a grandma.

Soapinator is traveling from Indiana to Oregon on a pioneer trail and I helped her pack the covered wagon. Apparantly one water barrel isn't sufficient, and they are dying of thirst somewhere in Texas- which if you ask me seems like a very ass backward way to get to Oregon (pronounced Or Gone) The prescribed option would be to pay ten dollars to buy water from the well, but why waste a few greenbacks when you've packed a barrel of gun powder. Her team decided to raid the well, kill the sentries and be on their way. I should have known there would be problems when she failed the 10 Commandments in Bible.

Do grandma's look good in stripes?

I finished my brick today with a run to the cigar store thinking it would be a beautiful night to sit out by the fire and enjoy the beginning of spring training. I jumped into the shower, thinking how lovely and even a little romantic it would be to have firelight flickering in through the glass block window of the bathroom. Trihubby, the aspiring arsonist, took his cue from God Almighty leading his people through the desert, and erected a 16 foot wall of flame in the fire pit. On the bright side, there is a strong chance of finding diamonds amongst the sand of the patio brick in the morning, which will be beneficial as I'm fairly certain that the color- fade resistant warranty on the new garage siding does not cover molten ash discoloration and melting.

It all evens out in the end.

In my aspiration to begin biking to Florida by November (Ellie, if you beat me there I'll buy you a beer) I've made it 29 miles to St. Paul. Not exactly the start I anticipated, but how could I leave with troubles like these?

13 comments:

Habeela said...

Grandma's look good in anything they want! Especially when they find diamonds in their yard. ;)

walchka said...

Congratulations, what exciting news! :)

Kewl Nitrox said...

Ha Ha Ha Ha... What can I say? A classic "TriMaMa" post - keeps me coming back for more bizzare updates! ;)

Spence said...

This is HILARIOUS. Your wit is the best...keep 'em coming...I love laughing... :)

Chris said...

I don't know what it is about guys and fire. But the flames are never quite big enough. :)

See you and Trihubby tonight?

Fe-lady said...

Male Pregnancies, diamonds in your fire pie and grandma-cons smoking cigars...you paint quite the pix! Halarious! You deserve that beer and at LEAST a 29 mile ride away from the insanity! :-0

greyhound said...

I guess our family paled by comparison. Our crises merely consisted of the missing "Kid's Cuisine" and the potential need to call child protective services because I insisted that the puppy practice piano rather than play with her friends until a nanosecond before bedtime. (Bad Dad).

Flatman said...

too funny!

stronger said...

Please, make your life into a cartoon strip.

Comm's said...

the most abstract post I have read all week.

mipper said...

one of your funniest posts that i have read. but then again... maybe not to you. still i agree with the comic strip idea.

erica Molina said...

...mmmh, hope that 5 year old knows how to take care of a baby. good post, grandma.

Susan said...

For some treason TriGrandMama doesn't have the same ring. so funny.