Monday, September 19, 2005

Smatterings


No cohesive thought here today, there are too many naked barbies laying around the house so I really need to clean up this morning. That and the 12 loads of laundry in various stages of sort, wash, fold and put away. Ironically, there are no barbie clothes in the piles so they will end up in a pile of Roman debauchery at the top of the stairs for now.

Along with the normal piles of household, work, and life to contend with, my brain is always slightly on the Ironman horizon. The whole endevour strikes me as counterintuitive to my personality and position in life. Crossing the Ironman finish line requires a good deal of money and time, neither of which I am comfortable consuming solely for myself. For Tridaddy, Florida is a forgone conclusion and he is ready to move heaven and earth to make it all happen. So, while my mind is filled with should I really, and what if's, he is posting pictures of the Florida beach on our desk top--for inspiration--he says. It would be so much easier if this was his pursuit that I was supporting. For whatever reason we seem fated to experience Ironman through our effort but my body. I believe strongly in fate and purpose for life, it just drives me nuts not knowing the point behind the compelling providence which will bring me to that "click the button" moment Nov 6th. That's what is strange about this, I don't need it, in the sense that my life is challenging enough. I'm not a demonstrative person, so I'm not likely to run around exclaiming my ironman status-well a little tatoo would be in order- I frankly don't care to spread that information too widely-primarily because it goes beyond the comprehension of most of the people I know. Yet hardly a day goes by that my mind doesn't wander to some place on that course. Certainly every workout at some point brings reflection on what that particular discipline will feel like in Florida.

It's like I have a disease. A beastly triathlon disease. Minus the compulsion. And the addiction. I would be perfectly content to remain in the ranks of the sprint/occasional olympic triathlete.

Who am I kidding? I want to go to Florida. I want to train and build and move toward that incredible goal. I just don't want my family to lack anything in the process.

I've got to start believing that if this really is providence, it will all work out in the end.

I have a suspicion the "exactly why am I doing this?" question will be a constant refrain over the next year. I am looking forward to the answer.

(so long as because you are a selfish egomaniac isn't among the answers. :)

9 comments:

Chris said...

First, Tridaddy rules! How awesome that he's so supportive of your goals.

I don't really know if I have a good answer for Ironman or why anyone should do an Ironman. It sounds like it's a calling for you though, and that you're not going to be able to rid yourself of that calling until you've actually crossed that finish line?

Hmmm... this may make for a good Monday post. :)

tarheeltri said...

This is my favorite post of yours. It says exactly what I feel about Ironman Florida better than I can say it myself. Thanks!

Flatman said...

Man, we are definitely fighting the same demons. I am struggling with the schedule (and budget) it would take to get me to, and through an ironman right now. My son is so young and our time together is already so limited...how can I take more time away from him (not to mention my wife). November seems to be rushing toward us like some sort of wave, and I am having a hard time knowing that I have to decide and commit to Florida in just over a month! JEEZ!

nancytoby said...

When you figure out that "why" question, let us all know, okay?

And do you have something against selfish egomaniacs? Huh? SAY THAT TO MY FACE! ;-)

Shelley said...

I remember when we first got married and we decided we would only buy a house if we had this much $$$, then we would only have kids if we had that much $$$$..we would still be waiting to buy a house today and have the kids..instead..we went for it and haven't looked back..lifes like that, make a choice and GO FOR IT!!!!! You will be such a good roll model for your children, you are going after your dreams and they can come true!!! They will see you with such discipline and determination, they will admire you. You have to live with your decision though..it's never easy eh???

Susan said...

Go for it - life is so short and decisions are never easy! Aren't we all selfish egomaniacs - it's what got us here in the first place. Crossing the finish line will be a moment you'll never forget.

Wil said...

I was (am??) struggling with the same thing. The budget, the time, and even though I've arranged to get my workouts in before everyone wakes up as often as possible, I still have that mommy/wife guilt - but I think that it comes with the territory. You deserve some personal time as well, you need it to be as strong and as whole as you are for your family.

I've talked with my husband about Ironman Wisconsin before I signed up to make sure that he was on board, and that he understood what would be involved. He assured me that he would be there and would be supportive in any way he could, simply because he knew how rewarding a thing it would be for me - and it looks like you're in the same supportive boat there! That said, know that your family wants to see you happy, they want to see you excel and achieve something that will inspire, they want to celebrate you, and really, you should celebrate you, however that manifests itself.

But I have to tell you, if it's creeping into your head everyday, I have a feeling I know where you'll be on the 6th. Carpe Diem, sis.

partyrunner said...

great post. im single and think, well, if any time can i do a half ironman (not even a full am i contemplating!) it will be now. but i love shelley's answer. there is no time like now and it's true, your friends and family will see what's it's like to choose something, this goal, work for it, and do it. what a wonderful lesson to learn from mom, dad, sis, brother, friend...

Tri-Geek Kahuna said...

tri-mama, did you ever consider that it's not providence, at least in the traditional sense, but the almighty TRI-GEEK KAHUNA who is guiding you toward Ironman Florida?

i'm sending you all my positive vibes because it wouldn't be the same without you.