Monday, September 19, 2005
No cohesive thought here today, there are too many naked barbies laying around the house so I really need to clean up this morning. That and the 12 loads of laundry in various stages of sort, wash, fold and put away. Ironically, there are no barbie clothes in the piles so they will end up in a pile of Roman debauchery at the top of the stairs for now.
Along with the normal piles of household, work, and life to contend with, my brain is always slightly on the Ironman horizon. The whole endevour strikes me as counterintuitive to my personality and position in life. Crossing the Ironman finish line requires a good deal of money and time, neither of which I am comfortable consuming solely for myself. For Tridaddy, Florida is a forgone conclusion and he is ready to move heaven and earth to make it all happen. So, while my mind is filled with should I really, and what if's, he is posting pictures of the Florida beach on our desk top--for inspiration--he says. It would be so much easier if this was his pursuit that I was supporting. For whatever reason we seem fated to experience Ironman through our effort but my body. I believe strongly in fate and purpose for life, it just drives me nuts not knowing the point behind the compelling providence which will bring me to that "click the button" moment Nov 6th. That's what is strange about this, I don't need it, in the sense that my life is challenging enough. I'm not a demonstrative person, so I'm not likely to run around exclaiming my ironman status-well a little tatoo would be in order- I frankly don't care to spread that information too widely-primarily because it goes beyond the comprehension of most of the people I know. Yet hardly a day goes by that my mind doesn't wander to some place on that course. Certainly every workout at some point brings reflection on what that particular discipline will feel like in Florida.
It's like I have a disease. A beastly triathlon disease. Minus the compulsion. And the addiction. I would be perfectly content to remain in the ranks of the sprint/occasional olympic triathlete.
Who am I kidding? I want to go to Florida. I want to train and build and move toward that incredible goal. I just don't want my family to lack anything in the process.
I've got to start believing that if this really is providence, it will all work out in the end.
I have a suspicion the "exactly why am I doing this?" question will be a constant refrain over the next year. I am looking forward to the answer.
(so long as because you are a selfish egomaniac isn't among the answers. :)