Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The end of all things, oh I seriously doubt it

There is a trustworthy saying that at the end of all times daughters will rise up against mothers (and there's something in there about nation against nation etc). What this prophetic insight failed to mention is that the source of this apocryphal rebellion will be Fashion T.V.

"Mom, I need to borrow a shirt." quipped Hyphen Girl as she sauntered into my room and began going through my dresser.

Now, the fact that she who owns more clothes then Imelda Marcos piqued my curiosity as to why she was looking for a shirt in my room. Oh, that's right, I need to do laundry.

"Race shirt, race shirt, race shirt" she intoned as she pulled article after article from my drawers (dumping them on the floor of course) There's nothing here but race shirts. Mom, all you have is race shirts.

That's not true, you can wear... oh wait I'm wearing that one.

Ok, it's true. Sad. But true. I have no clothes. Well, almost no clothes. Essentially I can put my entire non training, non work wardrobe into a paper grocery bag. That of course, is if you exclude my new line of Hefty fashion.

And here is why.

1) There are four members of the Tribe. That means 4 tuitions to private school, 4 winter, spring, summer and fall wardrobes, 4 piles of medical bills, 4 mouths to feed etc. you get the picture.

2) Trimama is an incompetent shopper. The closest thing I get to "couture" is when the Macy's ramp is full and I have to park at Nordstrom's en route to Lego Land. I like shopping in the sense of looking around and window shopping, but I am easily overwhelmed when it comes to selection. I gravitate to comfort, Trihubby gravitates to Victoria's Secret. Well, that's not entirely true. Everything I own of class or style Trihubby selected. The man knows how to shop.


3) In December of 2004 Trimama was a well rounded, "baby fat" laden, holy cow I can't believe I got that big, Trimama. That was 10 sizes ago. Now at a rapidly shrinking 6 going on 4, nothing I owned last year fits. My form fitting yoga pants are baggy, my "skinny" jeans drop to my knees sans belt and I have to roll the waist band over on pretty much every pair of pants I own.

"Mom, you are a disgrace. We need to write to Clinton and Stacy".

That would be Clinton and Stacy of "What Not to Wear" fame.

Clinton and Stacy would say I have no sense of style. And they would be right. I think years of parenting toddlers, fluctuating weight and voluminous psychotherapy sessions that tend to leave you feeling spent and vulnerable combined to make me indifferent to externals like clothing and style. Oh, I feel a massive journal entry formulating, I won't bludgeon you with those details, that's what a therapist is for, but suffice to say, when the game is about survival, what you wear is secondary.

Allow me to just say this, yesterday I swam 2.5 miles and today I biked 84 miles. Ironman training is tiring and at times painful. Mental fatigue and pain tend to focus my mind on my healing process, which is good. By God's grace, this endurance training is a powerful forge, with a fire intent on purging dross, and sifting out the dross just makes for stronger more beautifully refined metal.

But I digress. I need to find a sense of style. One that is not founded on spandex and lycra. Trihubby texted me this afternoon when I was biking to say that "skinny, black, pants" are back in at The Gap. I hear shopping!

I need help though. Anyone want to be a personal shopper? Or at least lend a bit of advice. Trimama is ready for some style.

And who knows, we may stave off the end of the world for a few years yet.

14 comments:

Chris said...

No help here. I'd have to walk around bare chested all year if I didn't have race t-shirts to cover my hide.

Comm's said...

At work I have gone from Polo khakis, dress shoes and collared shirts when to cover up the plump to golf shorts, nikes and dri-fits that are too big for for me now. We have the same problem.

If only they would let us were race shirts at work.

Since you don't shop much you have earned some credit it seems. So here is my hypothectical list for you Trimama.

-go to Lucky Brand and by a kick ass pair of expensive low rise jeans with a boot cut.

-buy the boots if you don't have them.

-go to a department store and buy some sleeveless button up blouses with adult patterns to it. Buy a few. Its so your kids don't think your a slob but show off your tickets to the gun show.

-go to vicki's and help your husband out.

-while at the dept store buy a nice snug fitting knee length jacket for the cold winter that will cover any shirts your kids find inappropiate.

-go to the sports store and buy new dri fit tops that look good with shorts or with jeans. Not to be used for training but are comfortable wearing out and about. Sporty but adult. Try womens golf shirts or tennis shirts.

-go back to vicki's.

I'm out.

greyhound said...

I'm the third commenter, the third guy, and probably demonstrate that your reader demographic is unable to help.

I have two wardrobes: 1) work clothes, meaning dark suit, white shirt, bow tie, black shoes; and 2) play clothes, meaning tri shorts, dri fit shirts, synthetic blister preventing socks, trainers or bike shoes.

Don't change a thing. Hefty bags never looked so good.

IM Able said...

Sigh. Boys.

I just did a bit of a drop on that pesky scale (although not quite THAT big of a drop, but still) and found myself in the same boat. Walking around in baggy clothes is just, well, awkward! I suggest the following...

1) I'm a big fan of Ann Taylor -- not too stuffy and can do the work/social transition pretty well (in case you needed a little tri-pun in your life)

Two) Find the right fit! Take a little time with getting the right size and cut and then get a handful of good pants. Black, brown, jean, etc. Show off the 84 mile hill climbin' booty!

iii) Mix and match with simple things that go together, but maybe aren't so super styled that Clinton and Stacy would pick 'em out of a crowd. Save the accessorizing for necklaces and fun jackets -- you get more legs out of the investment that way

And of course) HAVE FUN with your not-so-big bad self! Heck, make a day out of it with your daughter or send an invite through the mail to a best friend. Have a little fun reserved for you and the AMEX.

Sascha said...

Trimama baby, let's go shopping! I could use some new Gap myself. I pretty much work in Gap pants only and clearance shirts from wherever. Being petite offers its own range of troubles and I put off shopping whenever possible. But I'm always down for a hardcore trip to the mall.

abbey said...

Kari, my mom like, lives to help other people shop. Give her a call.

P.S.: Everytime I see you, you look GREAT, so I don't quite get the drift, but whatever.

Iron Pol said...

I get "yelled" at by the ladies at work that I need to buy new clothes. Mostly pants. I was a 38 waist when I started this journey several years ago. I was still pretty much a 38 at the beginning of the year. Now, 38 is long gone, 36 is baggy, and 34 is probably the way to go.

But that costs money and Christmas is just around the corner. I'll wait and see what Santa brings me, and see where the waist winds up in the end.

If you are still "shrinking," might a recommend a local thrift or similar store. We have a Christian outreach store that operates a store. Good clothes can be had for like a buck.

Spence said...

Oh, Trimama, what a lovely predicament to have! I'd be willing to bet you'll look smokin' in just about anything you can find so just go have some fun...oh and yeah, I don't have much fashion wisdom to contribute so I'll agree with what others have said! We want pics once you've got the new wardrobe!

WADDLER26.2 said...

I hope to have that problem soon. I'll watch how it goes for you. Good Luck!

soozey said...

The Title 9 catalog or Athleta catalog! I drool over their stuff. Sporty, good quality--some stuff is workout stuff that can be worn almost any time of the day.

Lana said...

I study the J.Crew catalog...buy a few key pieces and then find things to go with them at Gap and Banana Rep. because they're less expensive for the most part. And I too LOVE the Title9 and Athleta catalogs...but they can be pricey too!

Spend some time looking online to see what's available...you'll have your fashion sense back in no time!!

Flatman said...

Hey Mama,

Email me back channel. I need to let you in on a little secret... ;)

stronger said...

I do a lot of clothes shopping at Target because I find it ridiculously impossible to go shopping with two toddlers. I always get compliments on my Target finds. 9 times out of 10 I will get complimented on clothing from Target before complimented on fashion labels. Now I can't stand paying more than $30 for a shirt. Ross is another place for good finds- if you can stand shopping in their often messy stores.

'Zilla said...

I have this same problem. And I JUST now figured out what kind of style I like...

What I did was find a store that carried a few different things I liked ... and then I picked out a few "staple items" and exercised my credit card. H&M is a favorite for me (I like almost all of their clothes and they are VERY affordable... meanwhile their clothes are long lasting, and not "disposable" like the cheap stuff at Old Navy). Just a thought.... Sounds like you're at the point in your weight loss where you really *deserve* some new stuff!

(Wow, comm has some great ideas there...) :)