Sunday, July 10, 2005

I have cursed thy rod and staff, they no longer comfort me

No, I am not pregnant

Sorry guys, didn't mean to be so obscure about the pregnancy thing. I realized the rabbit thing doesn't make sense if you didn't read my comment on TGD about who is in for Florida. I commented that the rabbit didn't die and I'm in. It's an old wives tale saying.

However, allow me to explain, in as little detail as possible. For 6 months I was on a 27-28 day cycle, prior to that, 2 years of 28-29 days. So, I was expecting the normal Friday deadline. Historically, 2-3 days later then normal meant I was pregnant (6 times in 7 years) Couple this with having the stomach flu coincide with the extra days (another imminent sign of preganancy), having a friend who got pregnant 5 years post vas, and my head began to spin a little.

A little history:

I had 1 year to go with my college degree/dietetics program when tridaddy and I began to think it was time to begin to plan to start a family. I was going to work the summer I graduated and we were going to take a long planned trip to Europe in the fall, then upon returning we would start trying for a family. I assumed it would take a while trying before I got pregant. It took one month and I spent my senior year pregnant. No Europe. No start to career (which was a good thing for me, I don't think I would have been a very good working mom-too much work, too little mom, and I'd never have known.) Then came 2 miscarriages, and then Soapinator. When she was born I had a great part time job and was very happy with my life. Then, in spite of 3 very effective forms of birth control Standing Long Jump came along when Soap was 7 months. I didn't want to be pregnant then either, but he has been the biggest blessing, however his birth compelled another directional shift (3 kids in day care? I don't think so) Buck Naked Boy came along next at yet another time of paradigm shift which he didn't originate but he did give momentum to.

So it stood to reason, kids have been an effective rod and staff in my life, sheperding me in different directions. I missed my period, I felt pregnant and maybe it was time to re think my life direction. I didn't want that abrupt a directional change, and I cursed the rod and staff which so often comfort me. (U2 with Bob Dylan, "Love Rescue Me" an all time greatest song)

The degree to which I reacted was informative for me, and it is causing me to assess my priorities and the way I think, and the way I think about how I am thinking. Ironically, I train best when training occupies that right position in my life, namely for me when I don't possess it, don't hold it too dear, or too close and yet embrace it as an awesome part of the crucible molding this jar of clay.

For now, I'm very content to have that jar only carry one life, but ready for all options as they come. I think, I hope.


Flatman said...

Great perspective...I envy you.

Comm's said...

mothers everywhere are under appreciated for the sacrifices they make.

nancytoby said...

Well, thanks for spelling it out for us! I never picked up your clues, sorry to be so dim, but I kept checking back on your site to see what the story was!! Glad you don't have any unplanned surprises in your future, and your philosophical take on it is fascinating!