Immaculate conception?

I began this year with a quasi insane idea that I wanted to compete in a triathlon. This little seed of thought quickly burgeoned into a rennovation of personality; I didn't just want to compete in a triathlon, I wanted to be a triathlete. I mapped out training, read books, answered friend's and family's incredulous questions, talked to other tri geeks and started reading tri blogs. I joined a tri club, revamped my bike, bought equipment (I own a friggin wet suit for crying out loud) and trained some more. Initially my hubby watched from a distance, a little doubtful but glad that I'd found a hobby that suited me. (He was growing tired of the piles of scrapbooking material that sat un-scrapped, the knot of knitting yarn and needles that never moved and etc)

Then I competed in my first tri, lost 15 pounds and had a confidence and smile that had been missing from my life for quite a while. The tri community is an infectious and welcoming one, and in no time hubby had moved from peering over the fence to standing in the outfield. Once I taught him what I knew about swimming and his endurance grew he was ready to step up to the plate and join the team. June 6 made it official, hubby became MN Tridaddy crossing the Buffalo sprint finish line.

We celebrate anniversary #15 this August and they have been good years. However, with 4 kids (6 pregnancies), a college degree, and numerous other sordid life details, we have had little time for more than long, slow, distance plodding. Now, we are having the time of our lives training and racing together. It's like going back to our dating years when we fell in love playing tennis, riding his motorcycle, biking etc. The kids are catching on to the fun of it all as well.

We had 4 kids in 6 years (gives you an idea how poor most birth control devices work) and when BNB was 2 1/2 we were ready to call it a day and MN Tridaddy left a 1/4 inch of his Vas Deferens at the men's clinic.

Now for any of 500 nuances in physiology I haven't visited the red tent yet this month. Although I'm only at day 31 of the whole cycle, I am apoplectic with irrationality and dismay.

I D O N ' T W A N T T O B E P R E G N A N T!!!!!

I want to race Castaway Bay, and TCM, and Grandma's Marathon, and the Northwoods 1/2 Iron and yes Florida '06. I want to be a tri geek blogger and a Gear West Tri Club member and train with Tridaddy and continue to enjoy this part of life for at least a little while longer.

I don't have easy pregnancies. I have 20 weeks of throw up and 20 weeks of swallowed gasoline heartburn-goodbye base. Then 12 weeks of no sleep and 12 months of impossible weight loss, and at least 2 years of newborn- nursing-toddler- diaper changing -make workouts difficult if not impossible- time before I can even think about endurance training again.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I love being a mom. I love being a stay at home mom.

I just love triathlon as well, and it's all fitting together right now.

I hate when things fall apart, it feels like the big hands compelling universal motion are playing a cruel game, and I don't like being played.

In case you're wondering, if I am pregnant we accept the hand we are dealt and see it to the end. I've seen too much violence and destruction in my life to end the life of another, especially one whose only fault is being the product of super Tridaddy's able to leap tall buildings and Grand Canyon chasms in a single bound sperm.

So, there you have it. I've been late once or twice before, but in general 1 day late was 1 child more.

I guess no matter the outcome, it's good to evaluate the things in hand, the things you value, and understand what you hold and what holds you.