Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Immaculate conception?

I began this year with a quasi insane idea that I wanted to compete in a triathlon. This little seed of thought quickly burgeoned into a rennovation of personality; I didn't just want to compete in a triathlon, I wanted to be a triathlete. I mapped out training, read books, answered friend's and family's incredulous questions, talked to other tri geeks and started reading tri blogs. I joined a tri club, revamped my bike, bought equipment (I own a friggin wet suit for crying out loud) and trained some more. Initially my hubby watched from a distance, a little doubtful but glad that I'd found a hobby that suited me. (He was growing tired of the piles of scrapbooking material that sat un-scrapped, the knot of knitting yarn and needles that never moved and etc)

Then I competed in my first tri, lost 15 pounds and had a confidence and smile that had been missing from my life for quite a while. The tri community is an infectious and welcoming one, and in no time hubby had moved from peering over the fence to standing in the outfield. Once I taught him what I knew about swimming and his endurance grew he was ready to step up to the plate and join the team. June 6 made it official, hubby became MN Tridaddy crossing the Buffalo sprint finish line.

We celebrate anniversary #15 this August and they have been good years. However, with 4 kids (6 pregnancies), a college degree, and numerous other sordid life details, we have had little time for more than long, slow, distance plodding. Now, we are having the time of our lives training and racing together. It's like going back to our dating years when we fell in love playing tennis, riding his motorcycle, biking etc. The kids are catching on to the fun of it all as well.

We had 4 kids in 6 years (gives you an idea how poor most birth control devices work) and when BNB was 2 1/2 we were ready to call it a day and MN Tridaddy left a 1/4 inch of his Vas Deferens at the men's clinic.

Now for any of 500 nuances in physiology I haven't visited the red tent yet this month. Although I'm only at day 31 of the whole cycle, I am apoplectic with irrationality and dismay.

I D O N ' T W A N T T O B E P R E G N A N T!!!!!

I want to race Castaway Bay, and TCM, and Grandma's Marathon, and the Northwoods 1/2 Iron and yes Florida '06. I want to be a tri geek blogger and a Gear West Tri Club member and train with Tridaddy and continue to enjoy this part of life for at least a little while longer.

I don't have easy pregnancies. I have 20 weeks of throw up and 20 weeks of swallowed gasoline heartburn-goodbye base. Then 12 weeks of no sleep and 12 months of impossible weight loss, and at least 2 years of newborn- nursing-toddler- diaper changing -make workouts difficult if not impossible- time before I can even think about endurance training again.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. I love being a mom. I love being a stay at home mom.

I just love triathlon as well, and it's all fitting together right now.

I hate when things fall apart, it feels like the big hands compelling universal motion are playing a cruel game, and I don't like being played.

In case you're wondering, if I am pregnant we accept the hand we are dealt and see it to the end. I've seen too much violence and destruction in my life to end the life of another, especially one whose only fault is being the product of super Tridaddy's able to leap tall buildings and Grand Canyon chasms in a single bound sperm.

So, there you have it. I've been late once or twice before, but in general 1 day late was 1 child more.

I guess no matter the outcome, it's good to evaluate the things in hand, the things you value, and understand what you hold and what holds you.


:) said...

Whoa...let's wait a few more days before full panick mode begins. One day late is pretty common.

If it is so, it must be meant to be, but I still think it is early to freak out!

You'll be alright either are a triathlete and our friend even if you are round for a little while!

Born To Endure said...

Well let us know the outcome...either way..those races will always be there for you!! Hang in's too early to tell right??

Brett said...

As Shelley said, either way works. Play the hand that life deals you is what I always say, and make sure you smile the whole time. :)


Comm's said...

I heard a quote today that I can't stop thinking about and your post seems like a good place to use it the first time myself.

"Its not what people call you, its what you answer to."

You will always be a triathlete in your heart and in ours. Once you have you crossed that finish line it will never be taken from you.

Besides, pregnant women are really sexy.

Tracy said...

Wow, you know this was really interesting to read because we were just having the same conversation at my house! Kin dof one of those "what if" sort of discussions.

You have the right attitude, you never know why certain things happen, but there's always a reason, and sometimes we don't really know what we want until it's given to us.

TriDaddy said...

Be wary of men called "tridaddy". Our little miracle is due 8/26.

Anonymous said...

Just an FYI...Last year when I started training harder than ever before (and lost 10 pounds) my cycle ceased to be. I wasn't pregnant, my doctor ended up diagnosing
athletic amenorrhea

Pregnancy, however, would be good endurance training!

mipper said...

i'd agree with jessie above as a possibility as well. sometimes our cycles wig out over very minute changes in diet or exercise. but again, as i told a friend whose hubby wasn't supposed to get her pg but miraculously did, every baby is a gift, even when they aren't expected. good luck and keep us posted...

William Lobdell said...

If you're pregnant, I'd say TriDaddy has Ironman sperm.

Nancy Toby said...

Whatever you do, don't name it Kahuna. ;) Good luck, whatever happens!!

Keryn said...

This is weird...we've been having a similar conversation here. I only have one, but I have no wish to have another. Not only is mine great fun on his own, but I still remember all the painful, gritty details of pregnancy, labor, and delivery. No thank you.

If you are preggers, you'll be fine. I'm sure tridaddy will change diapers and take care of feedings while you get back into the swing of training.

So I understand how you feel and I hope your fears are unfounded. I agree with one can take away what you've become. You are an amazing woman, an amazing mom, and an amazing athlete.