Monday, July 25, 2005

A Little Help Here?

Tridaddy has an employee, Red Bull Boy, who has ADHD like energy yet he drinks uber energy drinks, so let's just say he is a bit kinetic. I like RBB, so this made me laugh. RBB was working in a home where a young fit looking guy lived. Now, RBB works hard, very hard and his exasperation grew through the day as homeowner just sat in his chair chatting on his cell phone. People waited on him hand and foot, and he wiled away the day with the tv, phone calls and the like. Towards the end of the day RBB dropped a tool from the heights of a 20 foot ladder right next to homeowner's chair. When homeowner didn't lean down and at least offer the tool up to RBB it was more than he could take. "A little help here?" No response. "Don't worry, I'll get it." Was the sarcastic comment of RBB as he stooped over to retrieve the tool.

"He's a quadriplegic." came the terse response of the girl who had been "serving" homeowner all day.

Only RBB--only RBB.

Informed perception definitly has it's advantages. So does knowing the capabilities of the people you ask for help. So

A little help here?

I had a long run Saturday- 16.5 miles saturday, (which I thought was 17.4 but more on that later) so I had some time to contemplate life, and here are just some of the presenting issues:

1) I'm reaching the point that I'd rather scrape chewed gum off the pavement rather than gag down another gel-any thought for how to down that stuff without hairball- ing?

2) I feel a certain "kindred spirit" with any other soul out running at 5 am, so what's the deal with the 20 something who throws the "yea you're out here running too, but I've got a better body" bitchy look.

Hey barfly, 4 kids and 15 years with tridaddy-your point?

3) There is bloody nipples for guys, but my problem is headlights. The young buck scenario is a crash waiting to happen.

Neither the looker nor the looked at be = 15 years of wedded bliss

So short of a metal brassiere, any reccomendations? Ladies?

4) Quite possibly the worst solution is the pink jog bra which managed to "highlight" the head lights. (look closely- the pink dots were like a UFO beacon when they were wet)

5) Why does my white shirt have a tire track crossing the midsection? It wasn't there when I left this morning

6) Yesterday I gave Standing Long Jump a piece of gum which following about 45 seconds of mastication, Gingerbread manned from his mouth to the hot asphalt. SLJ rose to the challenge of Gingerbread Man gum retrieving it from said pavement. As he moved to return it to his mouth he noted the embedded asphalt. Let's see, how to clear dirt from something, why wipe it on your shirt of course. Never mind that it is sticky chewing gum that just might adhere to every shirt fiber it contacts.

Is there hope for this boy?

7) At the end of a 16.5 mile run, why do all hills lead to home. (ok, I'll help you out, I live at the top of a hill)

8) I love The Who. That's not a question, just a statement, but a dilemma none the less when you are trying to make an MP3 mix which is all 1985.

9) I love Lynard Skynard, especially when "Give Me Three Steps" is the song that queues up at the bottom of the Hill That Leads To Home. That's also not a question, except I have no idea when that song published.

10) When you get to the end of the 17.4 mile run and your watch only says 2:08:42 and you realize that you only circled the 2nd lake once so you really have only travelled 15 miles but you've already taken all the pack mule equipment off and began to stretch and settle in for doughnuts and Saturday morning cartoons what do you do?

hint: You strap the mp3 back on and kick out 2 more on your 1 mile neighborhood circle.

11) What do you do Sunday when you realize after driving your course again that the 15 miles is really 14.5 and you wanted to do 17 and really only did 16.5?

The answer to this better have the letters "G" "P" "S" in it.

12) If above answer does have "G" "P" "S" in it, any suggestions on which tribe member to sell in order to solve #11? Ok, maybe they aren't that expensive.

13) Is it a problem when "I Love Rock and Roll" by Joan Jett is the favorite Radio Disney song of choice for the tribe and you can sing along as loud as them because it was the favorite Roller Garden song of choice when you were Hyphen Girl's age?

14) Is it even more of a problem that you look like a total idiot driving your mini van down the road with the tribe singing your lungs out because you really liked that song back then too?

14) Do all Radio Disney dj's regularly swallow razor blades to "enhance" there voice? Or is it just me?

15) When Buck Naked Boy is admonished to aim for goodness sakes when he relieves himself and he responds that only pee pee goes in the toilet- only pee pee and not the keys, just how strong a solution of bleach should I use? If it causes me to see my skeleton is it too high a concentration?


16) Borrowing from Robo Stu, "So, what are doing to get ready today?"


Flatman said...

Awesome post! One of my favorites of all times...I love your rambling nature. This is how my brain works also.

I have no answers on the headlights no comment!

Nice job on the mileage too!

Chris said...

"He's a quadraplegic."

If that isn't one of the biggest I-want-to-crawl-into-a-hole-and-die situations, I don't know what is!

Loved the post! It was totally just what I needed this morning!

Keryn said...

Great post, as usual.

I get the innerwear bras - both for support and for the better coverage. They tend to be a little thicker. Don't know if that will help.

I feel your pain about living on a hill. Makes going home a real pain. Literally.

No matter how hot the 20 year old in #2 is, I bet you could take her! Remember, kids give you a reason to run.

I have recently had to have the conversation with my son about what goes in the toilet and what doesn't. No good answer on the bleach though.

Thanks again! Keryn

Wil said...

Heh!! The headlights line is classic. Dark shirts, my friend, dark shirts. The only thing I've found that works. That, or nursing pads, but usually I can't bring myself to bother with the latter.

I TOTALLY hear you on the 20 something bitchy look thing. Let her have some kids, it'll humble her right up, though I don't ever remember being so bitchy pre kids - so she's of course destined to get a nasty case of post baby expando-ass. The universe has a way of evening out the game in the long run ;) This post rocks, by the way.

Brett said...

No comment on the headlights issue. However, on the gel issue. If you use a flask, you can fill it up about 2/3 of the way with gel, then add water and shake. It makes the taste less sweet and it makes it easier to get in your mouth. Great post!

P.S. Joan Jett rocks!

trifit said...

Great post - LOL!

The white running top with pink dots was definitely designed by a man.

Comm's said...

The only way I can take a gel is to find one that I like. i found carb boom apple cinnamon is pretty easy to handle on long runs, good flavor and doesn't have the consistancy of toothpaste.

BTW, I am around hundreds of 20 something hotties and 30 something hottie moms, as you are at the gym, and the moms got the others beat hands down. The 20 just don't know any better. They expect, nay demand, attention at their bodies. A mom, is beyond all that crap and just into being themselves.

nancytoby said...

You're cracking me up, woman! Let me know when you solve that Gu-gag reflex thing. I need help in that department too.