Up at 5:00 today-it's bike-swim-bike brick day. It was an incredibly putsy start, and not just because it was early. I've noticed that my training has regressed back to workout thinking. So, I went meta-cognitive on the bike ride. It couldn't be helped, the MP3 died at a 1/4 mile-so no distractions. Just thinking about what I am thinking.
I began multisport training in January. I had a goal, I wanted to compete in a triathlon-not just complete-but compete.
I trained with intensity, as if some dark menace was chasing me from behind. Now, I've crossed two finish lines because failure and "just give up you idiot" didn't catch me. I no longer fear what lies behind, I can slay that dragon with the knowledge that I can do it because I did, twice. What I fear now is what lies ahead. Namely, Incompetent swimming moron lake. Well I think it's actually called Turtle Lake, (oh the irony isn't lost there), and it's the first leg of the next tri I am supposed to do. I haven't registered yet, because frankly, I don't want to swim again. My first tri had a pool swim and the entire race unfolded precisely as it had in training. The second tri was my first lake swim. I approached the race with the idea of managing the swim, giving my all on the bike and burning out the run. I simply wanted a clean swim, what I got was a strange morphing of every conceivable stroke. I lost my edge as soon as I started stroking-forget competing, just get out of this water. Refocus, swim well for awhile, panick, sidestroke blah blah. I left the water that day and was thrilled to finish the race. I think my confidence to race is still floating in the silt out there in Buffalo. I don't want to dissappoint myself like that again. I like being able to do what I think I am able to do. How odd, I thought "I can't" or "you can't" would be the greatest obstacle-turns out "I won't" is an ominous beast as well.